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Demon

Member Since 09 Apr 2008
Offline Last Active Private
*****

Topics I've Started

I Need A Girlfriend

30 September 2017 - 11:34 AM

never has a guy needed a girlfriend more than this guy needs a girlfriend.

Charlottesville

13 August 2017 - 09:32 PM

america is a big place

let localised people decide who their war heroes are

extreme left and right all want to erase things they consider at odds with their worldview

history is sadly written by the victors

No Friends Part Deux

06 August 2017 - 11:00 AM

so i have this friend who moved to barcelona this year. more or less the only person i have any contact with now, the last bastion of friendship if you like. so he tells me in about april/may that he's back in UK for the summer, we should hang out. I say ok. so a couple of weeks ago i message him asking if he's back as i hadn't heard from him, and he says he has been back for 2 weeks, is in london right now, but back in essex for another four weeks. i say ok cool, what you been up to??? no reply, left on read. 2 weeks now elapsed. i am just about done with this. ready to end my last friendship.

this is the same guy who was back for xmas, i didn't hear from him until i initiated a meet up, it was the day before he was going off to live in barca, and when he heard my car was in the mechanic's he didn't want to walk to town to meet me (a 20 min walk at most).

the thing is since nobody lives here anymore there is literally nothing he can be doing but sitting around at home i guess. i don't understand it. maybe all my friends really do hate me.

if i am one of your best friends, allegedly, why would you return to this small town for two weeks and not contact me? am i supposed to just sense that you have returned? this is idiotic.

I Finally Understand Dance Music

05 August 2017 - 08:42 PM

https://www.youtube....h?v=NVilBDhcDZI

The Special One

02 July 2017 - 10:33 PM

even in the weirdest subcultures lineal patterns emerge. People can be into the weirdest things but they ultimately find contemporaries and enter what are for the most part traditional relationships.

i'm not part of any subculture. i have no interests per se. i have no passions, only brief fantasies. i view everything through a lens of detached objectivity. I might adorn my person with interesting fashions and trinkets, but i quietly acknowledge the limitations of such attributions.

maybe it is not so bad, to sit at home with mother, becoming embittered, slowly amassing a modest sum. maybe i am trying to convince myself it is not such a hardship.

if i really wanted a life of ambition and good company, i could be doing more to acquire it. i feel like i have the tools to make a decent fist of it. but i really think that it wouldn't be a good fit for me. i suppose it is my upbringing that i feel like a life lived is the traditional route... courtship, marriage, children, underlined by steady employment. but in truth i don't seem to be driven by the pursuit of these things. perhaps i'm trying to rationalise the route i have chosen, sitting at home with mother. who knows.

i've never felt like i will ever have a girlfriend, or ever want a real job. maybe my life is not so bad as it is now. but sooner or later the shame of living at home will become too much.